Two Kinds of Stripping

I have always avoided things like bachelor parties and trips to strip joints, so it says something when I thoroughly enjoy and recommend not one, but two books on stripping.

Until the advent of Chippendales, stripping has been something that girls do and it usually falls into one of two categories. The first is the kind of playful, private stripping that a woman does for her significant other. Even evangelical marriage manuals nod and wink when a good Christian wife puts on a show to get her man's baby-making gears going. The other kind of stripping is for pay, in front of strangers. Society frowns on women who do this. (Good luck telling your mom you are dating a woman who strips for a living at the Kitty-Kat Lounge.)

The first kind of stripping is the subject of The Stripper's Guide To Looking Great Naked by Jennifer Axen and Leigh Phillips (Chronicle Books, 2005). The authors interviewed strippers from all over the country for suggestions that could be helpful to girls who want to make an impression in front of their partners. We're talking 174-pages of fun tips for any woman who wants to spice it up when she is getting down to the basics.

An important cornerstone of the book is the idea that each woman needs to adopt her own unique look. It does you no good to try looking like someone else. It's all about attitude and having your own style rather than sporting the perfect bod. Forget buying expensive products, going on strange diets and spending hours at the gym.

The Stripper's Guide offers a number of interesting tips based on general body types a woman might have. For instance, when it comes to trimming your pubic hair, women with a voluptuous or well-endowed body might try a Brazilian or landing strip. The vertical line balances the curves and draws the eyes downward. A woman with an "I" shaped body might go for a more natural looking pubic bush, one that makes a wide oval that tappers at the bottom but doesn't stray below the bikini line. This helps make her hips look more round and curvy.

And what if you find yourself in a game of strip poker but haven't trimmed your pubes in a month and are wearing a granny bra? According to The Stripper's Guide, head for the bathroom for your three minutes of ABT "allowable bathroom time." Stuff the granny bra in your purse or into a drawer (better to be totally topless than shirtless with an ugly bra). Then run your fingers under cold water and tweak your nipples with them. If the cards aren't running your way and you lose your pants, make a show of taking them off, but sit with your legs crossed.

Regarding the second kind of stripping--in front of strangers for pay--try Elisabeth Eaves' BareBare (Seal Press, 2004). Along with her degrees from the University of Washington and Columbia, Ms. Eaves is a professional stripper who was raised in an upper-middle class neighborhood by university-professor parents.

While The Stripper's Guide had me smiling and wondering about pubic hair and nipples, Bare had me wondering about its author. Although she was describing things that were clearly sexual, I didn't find myself having a sexual reaction to her or what she was writing about.

I am probably one of the few of psychoanalysts who has seen sex workers in private practice. Their issues were never sex--I'm sure they enjoyed it a lot more than I with my Catholic education ever could. But I don't remember too many sex workers with the ability to see the world as nakedly and thoughtfully as Ms. Eaves does in her Bare.

Bare is not without its missing parts. I kept wishing that some of Ms. Eaves' boyfriends had been able to offer their insights about her. But this is the major difference between the two kinds of stripping. With the personal, take-it-off-at-home-for-a-lover type of stripping, both parties eventually touch each other. With the second type of stripping, it's all about tension and no mutual touch. There's always something missing.