Military Culture—A Very Brief Overview
Sex in Different Bases & Ports of Call
Uniform Code of Military Justice & Sex
Women & Sexual Harrassment in the Military
z Gay & Bi Men in the Military
If you have been in combat, please take our Sex and Intimacy Survey for Soldiers Who Have Seen Combat
If your partner has been in combat, please take our Sex and Intimacy Survey For Military Spouses
"Things the military could do to help sex be better? Make the damn uniforms easier to get out of!" female, age 19
It's not like soldiers leave their sex drives in their home towns. However, providing helpful information about sexuality for new recruits is not always a top priority of the military. Since the military does not publish reports on the sexual practices of its members, we have put this information together based on clandestine reports from the field. Hopefully, our intelligence is better than that of some governmental agencies.
The Uniform Code of Military Justice prohibits displays of physical affection while you are in uniform. The defense that you were naked and not in uniform while having sex is probably not going to wash. The UCMJ prohibits sex in barracks and sex between people of different ranks. It also prohibits sodomy, which is defined to include oral sex. If that isn't a recipe for "boring," it's hard to know what is.
It's also worth noting that while there are some fascinating aspects to sex in the military, it is really just a cross-section of sex any place where Americans are gathered. So if you are looking for a bizarre expose, you're in for some serious disappointment. On the other hand, there are some interesting dimensions to sex in the military, especially if you are a female G.I. who likes her men well armed and ready to engage.
For now, the Sex in the Military section of this website mostly echoes the "Sex in the Military" chapter from the Guide To Getting It On. Hopefully, those of you in the military will help us expand this newly-minded database of information, which we will post here for others to see.
Before we start on the cultural and sociological aspects of sexuality in the Armed Forces, consider the following observations from two khaki-wearing philosophers:
"Believe me, its the women in the military that are sex mad, but nobody complains or calls them sluts, because we would all do the same in their situation." male age 25
"I mean it's usually five females living in a building with 100 horny males. The girls pretty much pick who they want to sleep with that night." male age 23
Girls, if you really like sex and you decide on college, you will find somewhere around 60 women for every 40 males. In fact, the best advice we have for a young man who wants sex is to go to college. For women, it's to join the military, where there are only 15 women for every 85 males.
Plus, if you wanted to have sex with a number of Uncle Sam's finest, you don't have to worry about getting a reputation, as long as you are reasonably discrete about it. It's not like it's going to follow you 500-guys later, when you settle down in civilian life with the young minister from the First Church of Christ. What happens in the military stays in the military.
Now, before those of you who are upstanding military women decide to bomb the offices of Goofy Foot Press, everybody knows that at least half of you are true-blue and not interested in sleeping around--which ups the odds for those who do to 7.5 women for every 100 men. Consider the following words of advice from a reader who knows:
"For new femaleshave fun! I was so eager to be the good airman, obey all the rules, etc., that for my first few years I didn't have a lot of fun with the unique situations we can get into. Most of the people you will know will be young men in good physical shape. Take advantage!!!" female age 25
As for a male's chances of having sex in the military, these sentiments from two experienced soldiers echo what we heard time and again:
"I thought being in the military would be like taking a vow of celibacy. However, it turned out that there were good opportunities." male age 25
"Coming from a smaller town in Iowa I was a little shocked how others showed no concern that someone was married." male age 37
Some of the opportunities include young civilian women who have historically found the words "base adjacent" and "Available Men!" to be synonyms. There is seldom a scarcity of them near military bases. Opportunities also abound in ports of call in Europe and Asia, although in Muslim countries, the sex is mostly on base between members of the military. As for the willingness of some military wives to offer the comforts of a warm bosom to needy soldiers while their husbands are away, some do and some don't. We will discuss this more in the pages that follow.
Sex in the military is a mirror of sex any place else where Americans live and work. However, there are a few complexities that help define sex in the military as different at times.
There is the never knowing when you will be put in harm's way--but always expecting it and always training for it. This can contribute to a sense of fatalism or cynicism within the culture of the military, or a bit of a devil may care attitude when it comes to what you do in your free time.
There's also the emphasis on the body and its abilities, the impact of group living, and constantly being moved from one base to another. This can make for a climate where the sex is catch as catch can. And soldiers are frequently immersed in cultures where sex is perceived differently than it is here. In foreign lands, sexual economies often thrive around military bases. Even here in the states, different bases seem to have different sexual cultures.
These are just some of the factors that help give sex in the military its very own and sometimes unique perspective.
"My sister, who is also in the service is married to a serviceman. She recently returned from a TDY (temporary duty) assignment, and while there, engaged in an extramarital affair with another married serviceman. These things happen a lot." female age 25
Deployments in the military are often categorized as "short tour" or "long tour." If you are married and you are on a long tour, they will often move your family with you. If it's a short tour (under a year), your family usually stays behind. There are plenty of exceptions, especially if you are going into combat.
"The base where I recieved the bulk of my training after basic, Sheppard, is where most of the people are young, first time away from home, and have just undergone an enormous life-changing experience. There's a sudden freedom after basic training. Everyone's hormones are raging. One piece of common wisdom is, 'Don't get married at tech school!' I guess that's because lots of people jump the gun. There are lots of random hookups, some racy stuff going on at the dance clubs, and lots of alcohol. Another base I spent some time at recently, in Florida, has a greater population of 'adult' service members, so there's less of a panicky, gotta-have-it-now attitude." female age 25
Members of the armed forces usually fall into two groups: first termers, and lifers:
First termers are often younger and unmarried. They usually have high sex drives, and they are eager to be accepted into the military's macho culture.
Lifers are a different story. The have made the military a career, and they have often sampled many different customs and cultures. Lifers tend to be married and have families, but it is also not unusual for them to spend a good deal time away from home.
Since there is currently no draft, there is little equity in the military. Enlisted people are almost all from the middle class and below, while commissioned officers tend to be from the middle class and above.
In addition to the political and economic divisions within the armed forces, there are strictly-enforced prohibitions regarding fraternization among the ranks. People in the military who marry other military people are expected to be in the same or a similar rank. It is a violation of the Uniform Code of Military Justice to even socialize with someone not in or close to your own rank. Good luck trying to explain away that little affair between a lieutenant and a private, or a colonel and junior commissioned officer.
No matter how hot that first-class private is, a commissioned officer can get him- or herself into big trouble for fraternizing when their uniforms are on the floor.
"A female private and myself were going through an abandoned building and on the middle floor she just went crazy and started sucking me off like there was no tomorrow. She even answered her radio in the middle of it then carried on." male age 26
"With my coworkers, sex is not an issue—I'm a woman working a job which is, even now, pretty much a 'man's job.' I have a very non-sexual relationship with the boys in my shop. I think it surprises them when I wear civilian clothes and they remember that I'm a real girl. However, I do feel like the females are a bit of a commodity. I know several women who take advantage of the situation and live it up with all the partners they want, and others who are from conservative families/areas who wouldn't dream of it."female age 25
Like working women in the civilian world, women in the military often change personas between home and when on duty. Some have said that their military persona is more masculine and aggressive, while their civilian persona can be more relaxed or feminine.
In the past, sexual harassment has been prominent. That's because a woman who wanted to report someone had to report to the officer in charge. She couldn't report to an independent person. The officer would seldom want to lose a good man, and would often ignore the charges.
In the last couple of years, that has begun to change. Reporting is through separate channels, and women's complaints are being taken more seriously. As for the reality of reporting harassment, one female soldier says it will no longer get you demoted, but forget being promoted and forget being treated decently ever again. A female Marine in the Middle East who is quoted in Newsmax.com says, "You have two choices. You can keep your pants on and be miserable and be harassed, or you can take your pants off and you'll still get harassed, but you'll be a little less miserable."
(Please let us know about your own experiences. Be sure to include where you were stationed, as different bases often have a different vibe or sexual culture.)
"Seemed to be a lot of screwing around going on overseas. Hell, when you are out to sea for 65+ days and come into port and see women offering sex for next to nothing, its hard not to. The Phillipines was approximately $5 bar fine for a gal all night. Treat her with respect and she's yours the whole time you're there. Singapore was easy to get laid. Any cab driver knew were the brothels were located. Be careful of street walkers as many of them were benny boys (transvestites). Hong Kong–ask cabbies. Perth, Australia. OHhhhh YES! Blonde hair blue eyed beauties who's parents encourged the relationships (short or long term)." male age 44
"In Greenland it was an isolated base with only around a hundred or so military people and some civilians. There was probably a higher amount of cheating there than most places because it was so remote. Not much to do but drink and screw." male age 48
"For nearly a year in Iraq, I was under constant threat of death with my work, and I was rarely alone. I didn't have sex at all when I was there." male age 37
"In Washington, sex seemed more about starting a family, although I did more easily find sexually-deprived women there willing to forgo a relationship." male age 24
"In ports of call, the official "off limits" list was usually a liberty battle plan because the bars had the best booze and the whore houses had the best broads. Drinking on liberty was expected, getting drunk was a badge of honor, getting wasted to the point that you can't remember where you were, what you did, who you did it to, nor how much it cost. There was honor in being a drunken whore monger." male age 58
In spite of our efforts, it was impossible to find much about sex in the military in Iraq. While plenty of it seems to happen, it is only soldier-to-soldier and while in the safety of being on base or in camp. This is radically different from what we know about sex in the military in Viet Nam. Let's look at a few of the more obvious differences:
Cultures: There was a bit more neon in Saigon than Baghdad! The Vietnamese had a different attitude about prostitution than people in the Muslim countries. In a Muslim country like Iraq, if a girl loses her virginity to her beloved boyfriend, she risks being murdered by her father, brothers or uncle to help protect the family name. It is beyond their cultural consciousness to sell your body for sex.
The Military: During the war in Viet Nam, there was a draft. So the average soldier was single and somewhere between 18- and 22-years of age. In Iraq and Afghanistan, the make up of the troops is very different. Many have wives and children stateside. Many of the troops are National Guard or Reserves who tend to be older and married when compared to active duty Army or Marine Corps. Plus, today's military has a much higher percentage of females than was the case in Vietnam. There is more room for intra-armed forces fooling around.
Danger in Different Places: While the local communities in Vietnam were not harbors of safety for American military personnel, at least a soldier could visit the occasional prostitute if he wanted to assume the risk. Even if there were brothels in Baghdad, no Amercian soldier would risk taking off a single bit of armor to liberate a lonesome penis.
Considering the age of the troops and the Muslim culture's attitude toward sex versus that of the Vietnamese, the respective conflicts were in different centuries in more ways than just figuratively.
Soldiers in Korea often move off base and set up housekeeping in a one room "hooch" with a "Moose." A Moose is a Korean woman who cooks, cleans and provides companionship, including sex. They are quite good at keeping their solider smiling. It was not unusual for a soldier to marry his moose and bring her home to the US as his wife.
Most bases in the Pacific and Asia have their own form of a "moose culture." There might be some bases where the men in a military dorm pool their money and hire a group of mooses to take care of the men's needs, including their sexual needs.
In Europe, prostitutes are plentiful and legal. Contacts can be made through night clubs, bars and online.
"There is one extreme or the other in the military. You either have sex on the casual or you really fall in love with them. Those that I knew that wanted to stay together were completely faithful to each other and some even left the military together." male age 25
"I had a lady friend during a remote assignment who was married to another AF member stationed elsewhere, and they seemed to have an understanding that going without sex for a long time apart wasn't a reasonable expectation. Although she and I were never intimate, she made it plain that she was willing if I was. My only sexual encounters while apart from my wife were casual, with no expectations of a lasting relationship." male age 54
"Most couples that I know usually ended in divorce or breaking up. I'm not sure that it was because of infidelity or not. But a lot of the women I slept with were married." male age 23
"There was an atmosphere couples were fooling around a lot on both ends. There were places you could go if you wanted to pick someone's wife." male age 24
While we have heard from plenty of military people who say they remained true blue to their spouse or lover, we have heard from plenty who didn't. It's not unheard of for married couples to have understandings that all is fair in love and war, or when deployed or on tour. Whether these understandings are spoken or merely understood varies with the people involved.
(If you have any suggestions for specific bases, please let us know. If they check out, we'll post them.)
"Most guys after a while would pretty much talk about it openly. From what I gathered everyone was doing it in their bed (rack). It's enclosed on all sides and pretty much offers the most privacy. The only other place I would masturbate is in the shower. Some masturbated in the places they worked at day to day (shops). Although it is tempting because of the access to a t.v. and a computer, I only did this once. A few people I've know over the years were really open about it. So open as to not stop if accidentally walked in on them. They would simply ask you to come back later." male age 24
"I would masturbate late at night when the rest of the hooch was asleep, or in the showers. I don't recall being aware of anyone else doing it, but the general attitude was everybody did it sometime." male age 44
"My roommates and myself were usually pretty good friends and we knew each other rather well. If one of us had to beat off we would usually just ask the other person to leave for awhile or to take their time at the store or wherever they were at the time. Or you just take a walk to the bathroom and stroke it in the stall." male age 23
"I did it very quietly. We had curtains on our bunks but you could usually tell when someone was solo pleasuring. You didn't say anything as everyone did it and you wouldn't like it if things were said about you." male age 44
"I don't recall any incidents where a morning erection (E.M.H.O. for Early Morning Hard On) became an issue. We joked about it a lot when coming to the end of midnight shifts. Morning erections aren't just for people waking up, there's something about dawn that seems to bring them on!" male age 54
Not a single man in our surveys said that early morning erections were a concern. Some said everyone had them, it was a normal part of being a guy, and no big deal. Another said he suspected the military was putting something in the food to decrease early morning erections during during basic training, because he doesn't remember getting one after the first week. He does remember getting many of them after basic training. Who knows the impact of exhaustion and fear on the spontaneous erection?
Swinging and nudism is a fairly prominent activity in the military. This is especially true in bases in Europe or parts of Asia where the social prohibitions against swinging and nudism are not as great as they are in the US.
"You really don't have to go anywhere. It usually finds you." male age 29
"Local clubs known to be meat markets." male age 37
"Probably the bars on post. They are usually full of married women looking for someone to play with while their husbands are away."male age 23
Unlike males, women in the military seldom needed any help in finding partners. For men, the Internet is now being used for finding sex. This echoes its use in civilial life. Where soldiers go online depends on what kind of sex they are looking for. Www.USMilitarySingles.com appears to be a legitimate dating service. It also hooks up soldiers with interested civilians who live in the surrounding communities.
"It's somewhat expected that everyone will date; if you don't date, coworkers will assume you're a homosexual. While this is very seldom true, it is a stigma." male age 47
"While on ship, I had sex with as many guys as I wanted and as often as I wanted it. I had sex with men and women—in deep corners and heck, even in the barbershop once!" male age 31
"There were very few homos onboard ship. It was never a concern." male age 43
"A lot of military in Washington use Craigslist. You would see men on the site advertise for women at first and then as the day went on and the posting came later and later you would see the same men advertising for any sex. Some of them wanting their first homosexual experience. These were guys in their early 20s, in their sexual prime."male age 24
Our survey-takers are apparently not typical, as there wasn't a single one who said he or she felt homosexuals were a concern for them in the military. None reported feeling stared at while in the showers, and none listed homosexuality in others as a cause of concern.
There does appear to be a very well hidden, and perhaps large, gay and bisexual culture in the military. The men and women who are part of this culture take extreme measures to keep it hidden. It's nothing for them to drive hours from a base to a private gay club, where there is little likelihood that they will be found out.
How you define "homosexual" in the military is interesting. For example, there is the navy term, "It ain't queer unless it's tied to the pier," which indicates a different set of standards for what happens on land, where women are plentiful, and what happens on board ship. There is also an old military joke that defines a "buddy" as a guy who will go off base while you are restricted to base, get himself two blow jobs, and come back and give you one. So it is possible that when you do find same-sex activity, the operative terms should be "bisexual" rather than "homosexual," unless indications are to the contrary.
It can be dangerous for any man or women in the military to not date or have "girlfriend" or "boyfriend," as they risk being perceived as gay. Gay officers have to be particularly careful, as other officers' wives are constantly trying to set them up. A "stunt babe" is a woman who poses as a gay soldier's girlfriend at military events and whose picture he keeps on his desk. She is the military equivalent of a "beard," who is a friend or acquaintance who pretends to be a romantic interest when your parents are in town.
The smarter commanders in the military turn a blind eye to casual reports of homosexual activity. They don't want to deal with it and they don't want to lose some of their more qualified people to a modern day witch hunt. There is even a "queen-for-a-day" exception in legal proceedings if the homosexual conduct is considered to be highly unusual activity for the person who was doing it.
Gay service members are most likely to be outed by homophobic soldiers or groups like the KKK or Aryan Alliance, which are both active in the military.
Contrary to what you might think, lesbians can have a pretty rough time in the military, especially tomboyish dykes as opposed to fem-looking lesbians. Everyone is expecting women in the military to be gay, so straight women in uniform can be especially sensitive to this. They consider their gay sisters as a bad mark on the family name, and often display a total lack of tolerance. Lesbians in the military quickly learn this, and constant scrutiny can become nightmarish. While straight girls in the military can have a sexual heyday, lesbians in the military say they won't even risk kissing another woman in "the privacy" of a base apartment, let alone muff-diving when on government-owned real estate. All eyes are on any woman who is thought to be gay.
In her piece No Ass, No Tail, Myriam Gurba says that real military dykes aren't getting laid. She quotes one lesbian who said she believed herself to be the only dyke among 60 girls in her basic training outfit. Given the rampant homophobia, she said, "I think living in close quarters with 60 women was actually one of the most dreadful experiences I've had to endure."
While there can be opportunities for homosexual exploration, it would seem to be among women who no one suspects as being gay. Otherwise, they are too well watched for it to be comfortable.
"I wish that I was told about the sexual reputations of all branches and how much people in military towns resented you before they even met you." male age 24
"Military people enjoy sex pretty much the same as everybody else. The dangers of military service, and the travel and deployments, make an active sex life a little more challenging, I suppose. I always appreciated a sexy welcome home, even though I realized that my being away increased my wife's burdens a great deal. Popular culture paints military members as macho types who enjoy rough sex and even rape. The truth is military people are the same as everybody else in the sex department, and what works for civilians works for GIs equally as well." male age 54
"Be very careful about propositioning someone for sex. The military is very paranoid about harassment of any kind. The accuser is the one who drives the charges; you will not win any legal dispute. Also, don't record (video, audio, photo) your sex acts; that is called evidence!" male age 45
"If it's going to be casual sex, make sure you both agree and understand this. Don't talk about any sexual partner with coworkers, ever." male age 47
"Here in Iraq, it's really hard... I feel too dirty and stinky to talk to girls here, and a lot of times coming back to the fob, we've seen contact with the enemy and are maybe upset, or are not into talking to girls because we've just seen the edge of humanity, like a dead body or dead friend, and the last thing on your mind is having sex. Also exhaustion is a factor." male age 23
A Special Salute to MSgt. Glenn B. Knight, USAF Retired for advice & research. Glenn proved just how thoughtful, intelligent and perceptive soldiers can be.