This is from the chapter on Kink in the 5th edition of the "Guide To Getting It On!"
Some women occasionally dress up like men, to the point of wearing a fake penis. This is a form of accessorizing known as "packing." One woman reports that if she's been packing for an extended amount of time she even stops having her period—without taking a single male hormone. Once she is through packing and the fingernail polish goes back on, her periods become regular again.
However, crossdressing usually refers to a type of obsession or need that some men have to dress like women, aka "transvestism." This might be fine with the guy's wife or girlfriend, but problems could arise if he keeps stealing her favorite bra and panties to wear.
Crossdressing could have been included in the chapter on gender-bending, but gender benders don't consider crossdresses to be part of their tribe. It could have been considered in the same-sex chapter, but most men who crossdress have a straight sexual orientation. It was placed here because none of the other parts of this book wanted it, which is the dilemma that most crossdressers face. Their dilemma is described brilliantly by Amy Bloom in her book, Normal-Transsexual CEOs, Crossdressing Cops, and Hermaphrodites with Attitude:
"Heterosexual crossdressers bother almost everyone. Gay people regard them with disdain or affectionate incomprehension, something warmer than tolerance, but not much. Transsexuals regard them as men 'settling' for crossdressing because they don't have the courage to act on their transsexual longing, or else as closeted gay men so homophobic that they prefer wearing a dress to facing their desire for another man. Other straight men tend to find them funny or sad, and some find them enraging..."
There are thousands and thousands of transvestites or male crossdressers in the United States, although they prefer to be described in the millions. Many are straight and appear quite masculine when they aren't wearing a bra and panties. Some appear quite masculine when they are wearing a bra and panties. As men, they are often heterosexual, married and the last guy you'd imagine would dress up like a girl. Most crossdressers value their macho side as much as their feminine side, but struggle with finding ways to enjoy both at the same time.
Contrary to what you might imagine, male crossdressers aren't drawn to professions that welcome a guy's feminine side. The average crossdresser is more likely to be a baseball player, fireman, policeman, auto mechanic or business executive than a hairdresser or florist. They go for manly professions to help hide or counter the feminine side of themselves.
A crossdresser gets sexual excitement by identifying with a woman, but he's still got the straight-guy consciousness going on. Perhaps the bra symbolizes having breasts, and the panties symbolize having female genitals. So there he stands, in front of the mirror, admiring his "breasts and vulva," while sporting a fully masculine erection. Sexually, he's got his bases covered.
Therapy will not change a crossdresser's need to crossdress. However, if a man is compulsive about crossdressing, therapy can help him with that aspect. Many crossdressers hope that marriage will cure them of their desire to dress like a woman. But the envy and allure of their wife's underwear drawer will soon rear its satin head, and so much for good intentions.
Men who are reading this book while wearing their favorite DKNY dress might be concerned about being found out. This is a fear shared by many crossdressers who are not out of the closet. Please check out some of these:
www.tri-ess.org
www.tgfmall.com
www.pmpub.com
As a wife or girlfriend who suddenly discovers that her man has a secret cache of frilly garb, try to give yourself a three-month chilling-off period before doing anything drastic. Talk to your partner about what he does and why. He must love you a great deal if he's worked so hard to hide something that's so darned big. If you can, check out the site of the Society for the Second Self or Tri-Ess at www.tri-ess.org. This national organization is for crossdressers, their wives and their families. Search out anything written by Francis Fairfax, particularly the Wives' Bill of Rights.
Given how this is not the sort of thing you can call your mom or sister about, see if there is a support group in your area for wives of crossdressers. The folks at Tri-Ess can help you find them. Talk to these wives about what they will and won't put up with. There are plenty of things you don't need to agree to, like meeting your man for lunch when he's dressed like Britney Spears. And if for some reason he thinks he can dress up in front of the kids or gets so deep into the crossdressing scene that he stops being a good husband or dad, crossdressers' wives will offer all the support you need to confront him. In other words, you don't have to condone what he's doing, but you don't need to divorce him either.
For a lot of women, it would be easier to accept their husband if he said he were gay. But to see him dressed up like Little Bo Peep and hear him say he's totally straight.... Wives tend to fear they will lose the manly part of their crossdressing man. This usually won't happen. He'll be the same man he was in bed before she found out about the heels and A-line dress. Part of their fear may have to do with humiliation that someone else will find out.
After chilling off, a wife or girlfriend might see that there are worse things a man could do than wear women's clothes, fashion crime that it might be. She might also realize that he has the same good characteristics that he had before she found out about his hidden side.
There is no shortage of publications on crossdressing. Some people value the books by Peggy Rudd, a therapist and the wife of a crossdresser. Others aren't so comfortable with her crossdresser-as-visionary point of view. Your public library may have them, but perhaps you'll want to try Amazon.
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED: Amy Bloom's Normal-Transsexual CEOs, Crossdressing Cops, and Hermaphrodites with Attitude. Knowledge may not make it hurt any less, but it does give you more options than simply saying goodbye.
If you need a gift for a man who enjoys wearing women's clothes, don't forget the book formerly known as the Tranny Bible. Sadly, they've renamed the new edition the Transgender A to Z Book.