Making Ice Cream

Ninety-eight percent of all households purchase ice cream. This means there are more people who eat ice cream than there are people who masturbate. (Imagine having to decide between the two!) This is one of those dates where you're sure to end up with sticky fingers, and it's almost guaranteed that you'll have plenty of fun getting them!

COST

In the pages that follow, we list three different ways of making ice cream. The non-traditional method (using baggies, coffee cans, duct tape, etc.) will run around $5 to $10, depending on what you have and what you need to buy. The second method includes buying an electric freezer-based ice cream maker for around $50, plus the milk, cream, eggs and flavorings. For the third way, you will need a traditional ice cream maker that will run from $50 for a hand-crank model all the way to $200 for some of the best electric-cranking models, plus milk, cream, eggs and flavorings, ice and salt.

WHERE TO BUY AN ICE CREAM MAKER

For information on everything from ice cream makers to ice cream trivia, take a lick on www.makeicecream.com. While the White Mountain Six-Quart electric model for $200 is a true beauty, you might get more use and less mess from the highly-rated Quisinart electric freezer model that runs around $59, although we found one for $39.

Most department or discount stores should carry ice cream makers of varying quality. On the internet, you might try www.cooking.com or www.amazon.com.

It never hurts to call used and second hand stores, or even check your parents' garage or attic.

TO CREAM OR NOT TO CREAM

The two most common ways of making ice cream are the old fashioned way with a hand-cranking ice cream maker, ice and salt, or with one of the new high-tech machines that do it in your freezer. Whether you crank it by hand or plug it in and let it whirl, here are a few ice cream facts to help feed the hungry part of your mind:

• The average number of licks to polish off a single scoop ice cream cone is approximately fifty. How many licks does it take to polish off your cone?
• The favorite topping for ice cream is chocolate syrup. What's your favorite topping? What's your date's? Ever try using your favorite toppings on each other?
• The biggest ice cream sundae ever made was twelve feet high and used 4,667 gallons of ice cream and 7,000 pounds of toppings. It was made in California, of course.
• Each person consumes an average of twenty-three quarts of ice cream, ice milk, sherbet, ices and other frozen dairy products each year.
• The top three cities in America that purchase the most ice cream on a per capita basis are: Portland, Oregon, St. Louis, Missouri and Seattle, Washington. Talk about rain or shine...
• More ice cream is sold on Sunday than any other day of the week, which is why Sunday should be spelled Sundae.

FAVORITE FLAVORS

Here is a list of the fifteen most popular ice cream flavors:

1. Vanilla 2. Chocolate 3. Butter Pecan 4. Strawberry 5. Neapolitan 6. Chocolate Chip 7. French Vanilla 8. Cookies & Cream

9. Vanilla Fudge Ripple 10. Praline Pecan 11. Cherry 12. Chocolate Almond 13. Coffee 14. Rocky Road 15. Chocolate Marshmallow (What, no pistachio? )

WHY USE SALT WHEN MAKING ICE CREAM?

When you make ice cream, the goal is to get the ice cream mixture below 27 degrees. Regular ice won't get the mixture any colder than 32 degrees, so the ice cream would never freeze with ice alone. The salt works on the ice to create a super-cold liquid brine. This allows the ice cream mixture to get much colder than with melting ice alone. This is why they throw salt on frozen roads. The salt makes the ice melt into a saltwater brine. The resulting saltwater brine is much colder than 32 degrees, but since it stays in liquid form, your tires keep contact with the road below.

With the new freezer-assisted ice cream makers, they've found a way to keep the bowl colder than it would be with ice alone. This eliminates the need for salt and ice.

HOW TO MAKE ICE CREAM

There are three different ways to make ice cream. Here's the scoop on each: You Want Tradition?
You will need an ice cream maker. You can purchase a hand-crank model which will require you to manually crank it until the ice cream hardens. (Oh God, does this take a long time.) Or you can buy a machine with a motorized crank that turns the blades inside the metal container. Either way, you'll have a bucket with a metal container that fits inside. You pour the ice cream mixture into the can and pack ice and salt around it. The maker should churn for approximately 30-45 minutes—or if you have a hand-cranking model, keep cranking until your arm falls off. It is ready to eat at this point or you can let it sit for another 2-3 hours to harden. (Who can wait?) You will need about 2 cups of rock salt and 15 pounds of ice for one batch of ice cream. The average ratio is 1 cup of salt to 6 cups of ice. You can also use regular table salt if you don't have rock salt available.

After the ice cream is finished, you are left with a bucket full of ice and salt water and you can't pour it on your grass because the salt will kill it. (If you doubt this, ask the folks from ancient Carthage whose fields were covered with salt by the conquering Romans.) Use your good arm to dump the saltwater into your sink or bathtub.

Every kid should experience the messy magic of making ice cream with salt and ice. Then their exhausted parents will probably wise up and get the family an electric freezer model.

Less Tradition, Less Mess
You can purchase an ice cream maker with a cylinder that you freeze in your freezer before making the ice cream. This cuts out the need for the ice and rock salt. The downside is the high tech models only make about 1-1/4 quarts at a time as opposed to the bucket models that will make 4 quarts. The good news is that the ice cream tastes as good as the old-fashioned way, takes a fraction of the time and causes a fraction of the mess.

Bag Tradition—Make Ice Cream with Duct Tape
Let's say you don't want to buy an ice cream maker but you want to make ice cream. No problem. Here are some recipes that don't require an ice cream maker.

Coffee Can Ice Cream
You will need two coffee cans, a three-pounder and a one-pounder.

Coffee Can Vanilla Ice Cream 1 cup heavy cream, 1 cup half & half, 1 beaten egg, 1/2 cup sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Coffee Can Chocolate Ice Cream 1 cup heavy cream, 1 cup half & half, 1/2 cup sugar, 4 tablespoons cocoa or chocolate syrup, 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract, a pinch of salt

Mix all of the ingredients together and pour them into the onepound coffee can. Seal it with a lid and then wrap the duct tape around it to make sure the lid stays on. You don't want the mixture to leak out.

Put the one-pound can that has mixture inside of it into the threepound can. Using the three-pound can as a holding tank, pack ice half way up around the one-pound can and add 1/2 cup salt. Pack ice to the top and add another 1/2 cup of salt. Put the lid on the threepound can and duct tape it within an inch of its life. If you don't, the ice and salt will start to leak out.

Wrap the can with a towel and put duct tape around it. Roll the towel-wrapped can back and forth for fifteen to twenty minutes. Then open the larger can and dump out the water and salt. Wipe off the top of the smaller can and pop the lid. Stir the ice cream making sure to scrape the sides. If the ice cream is too soupy, retape the cans, add new ice and salt and roll for another ten minutes. Open and enjoy your ice cream.

Baggie Ice Cream
You'll need two small plastic freezer bags and two large plastic freezer bags. Use the same recipes as above, but split them into two equal parts after you add all the ingredients. Pour each half into a small freezer bag. Push out as much air as possible and seal. You may want to duct tape the bags to help strengthen the seal.

Put ice into the bottom of each of the larger freezer bags. Place each of the smaller bags with the ingredients into the larger ones. Pack ice around the ingredient bags and add 1/2 cup salt to each. Add as much ice as you want, but try to keep a one-to-five salt-to-ice ratio. Push out as much air as possible and seal the larger bags. Tape the openings with duct tape.

Hand a bag to your date. You take the other and both of you start shaking. You will be able to tell by the feel if the ice cream is hardening. If it's too soft keep shaking. You can always add more ice and salt if too much of the ice melts.

RECIPES

There are all sorts of ice cream recipes on the internet. For starters, try www.cgl.uwaterloo.ca/~smann/IceCream/. This fine list is by Stephan Mann at the Waterloo University Computer Graphics Lab.

From the library or your favorite bookstore:

The Ultimate Ice Cream Book by Bruce Weinstein; $14.95.

Ben & Jerry's Homemade Ice Cream & Dessert Book by Ben Cohen, Jerry Greenfield and Nancy Stevens; $9.95.

How to Make Ice Cream: An Illustrated Step-By-Step Guide to Perfect Ice Cream, Gelato and Sauces by John Burgoyne; $14.95

The Ice Cream Machine Cookbook by Melissa Clark; $6.95

ON A DIET?

One of the problems with making your own ice cream is that you see firsthand just how many calories ice cream has. We're talking beyond your wildest dreams. One antidote is to make your own sorbet or use a low-calorie ice cream recipe.

HOW THE PROS LEARN

Penn State University's nine-day Ice Cream Short Course is the oldest, best-known and largest educational program on the science and technology of ice cream. It is also believed to have been the first continuing education course in the United States.

Beginning in 1892, the School of Agriculture at Pennsylvania State College offered a class in dairy manufacturing during winter "when farm work is least pressing and the boys can best be spared." Tuition was free and students were charged $5 in expense and laboratory fees. By 1925, ice cream had become so popular that a separate course devoted exclusively to the subject was established. Today, the College of Agricultural Sciences still offers the course in January, which is normally the slowest time for the ice cream industry.

Just about every major ice cream company in the world has graduates from the Penn State course. Even Ben and Jerry took it.

Each year about 140 students from all over the world attend the program. In its 109-year history, the course has attracted more than 3,900 participants from every state in the nation and every continent except Antarctica. The registration fee of $1005 per person includes tuition, textbook, laboratory fees, a class photograph, banquet and certificate of attendance.