Lunch at a Hot Dog Stand

During more than forty years of Cold War, the U.S. had its missiles pointed at Russia. Now, we're aiming the big weenie at them, with Russians chowing down more than 53 million pounds of imported U.S. hot dogs and bologna each and every year. Perhaps this is in preparation for their upcoming translation of the Guide To Getting It On! (Honest, the Russians are getting their very own version of our book on sex. Wowski!)

If the craving for a hot dog was good enough to stop the Cold War, we figure it's good enough for a great date! Also, chowing down a weenie has all sorts of advantages over lunch at a restaurant, unless you're in management and they let you take off from 12:00 to 2:30 and hand you a company credit card to pay for it all.

One of the problems with meeting for lunch in a restaurant is time. It's hard to make a lunch date work if you are on a tight schedule. On the other hand, if you meet at an outdoor hot dog stand you're often in and out in 2.5 minutes (the time it takes the average American weenie to swell up and be done, according to the folks at the Kinsey Wiener Hut). There will usually be somewhere nearby to sit, talk and eat. After you finish your dogs, you can even take a walk. And you'll have a pleasant reminder of your lunch date for the rest of the afternoon as the dog keeps repeating on you.

COST

The final tab for two dogs and sodas should be $6 to $10.

ATTIRE

Don't wear white unless you're willing to throw on a bib to catch the mustard and catsup drippings. If you're wearing a tie, do the smart thing and tuck it inside your shirt.

PREP TIME

Find a hot dog stand that's convenient to both of you. This will require some footwork since most stands don't have phones or even addresses. Also, before the day of the date, find a place where the two of you will be able to sit and eat: a courtyard, park, rooftop, church or grassy area.

IMPRESS YOUR DATE WITH HOT DOG FACTS

Perhaps you're the type who will want impress your date with your expansive knowledge of the dog:

Americans ate twenty billion hot dogs last year which means every person in the US had approximately sixty wieners.

Babe Ruth once ate twelve hot dogs and drank eight bottles of soda between games at a double header. After the game, he had to be taken to the hospital with severe indigestion. We are still trying to find out if he got any hits during the second game.

The origin of the hot dog is a common European sausage known as a dachshund or "little-dog" sausage.

Interested in more trivia and information on the hot dog? Try www.hotdog.org , site of the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council. This website has lots of hot dog trivia, a history of the dog, a hot dog calorie counter and the Do's & Don'ts of "dressing" a dog.

BE COOL

If you're a guy, don't go comparing yourself to an extra plump kielbasa. Then again, who are we to urge modesty after what we threw on the cover of this book!

VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE

For those of you who aren't hot dog aficionados, never forget the three following possibilities: sauerkraut, grilled onions and chili.

ALTERNATIVES

If you are truly spirited and can take the time off, get tickets for a baseball game and meet at the stadium for your hot dog lunch.