Factory Tours

Ever wonder how Jelly Beans are made? What about Fritos, Cheetos, Tostidos or Harley Davidson Motorcycles? How about guitars or beer? Surely you've asked yourself how they make Crayola Crayons. These and many of life's other wonders will unfold right before your eyes as you and your date dawn hard hats and make your way to the conveyer belts. Then, sit back and wait until the day when the person you were with is in the supermarket and passes the Cheetos display or steals a handful of Jelly Beans and suddenly feels an urgent need to phone you and say, "Oh Gawwwd, I'm sooooo glad you are home, can I come by? I don't know why, but I'm in the supermarket and I just started thinking about you and I'd REALLY like to see you tonight..."

Don't ever underestimate the power of a factory-tour date.

COST

Free to $15.00.

LENGTH OF DATE

Some tours will last ten minutes, others will take an hour. There might also be tastings afterward, assuming you're not touring the Pennzoil factory. For instance, we don't know about the Campbell's Soup Factory tour, but after the tour of the sake and plum wine factory in Berkeley, California, they let us sample the product. You'll also need to allow extra time to get to and from the factory, unless you and your date live smack in the industrial zone.

ATTIRE

No, not the tour of the Goodyear Tire factory—we're talking about what to wear. Dress comfortably. If you are going into a factory that needs to keep their products refrigerated you should bring a jacket. (If you don't know each other very well yet, consider withholding comment on the effect of the walk-in freezer on your date's nipples.) Some factory tours can be a bit on the warm side, as well. We once took a tour of a huge electricity-generating-steam-tourbine plant and it was a bit toasty in spots.

WARNING!

Always call ahead. For instance, the Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream factory not only charges $2.00 per person per tour, but if you arrive on a day when they're having a company meeting, they sit you down in front of a TV and show you a video of how the ice cream is made. Talk about a loser of a date. Put your condoms in the freezer because you won't be needing them after providing your date with a fine time like that. Also, ask if you can make reservations, because if a tour bus full of Japanese newlyweds arrives at the plant ten minutes before you do, the people at the factory won't be the only ones saying "sayonara." Most factories need to limit the number of tours they give each day.

WHERE TO FIND TOURS

Scan the horizon for some really huge smoke stacks, or check with your local visitors center or chamber of commerce. Ask if there are any factory tours or companies in your area that make interesting products. Do they have tours?

For a GREAT factory tour resource, get yourself a copy of Watch It Made in the USA: A Visitor's Guide to the Companies That Make Your Favorite Products by Karen Axelrod & Bruce Brumberg; $17.95. Check it out online at www.factorytour.com/, in bookstores, or by calling the authors at (617)734-6184. For instance, their listing of the Basic Brown Bear factory in San Francisco tells you the cost, if there are freebies, if videos are shown, if reservations are needed, the times, how long the tour is, if there is disabled access, group requirements, directions and nearby attractions and their phone numbers (in this case, you would be in striking distance for the Anchor Brewery tour, the Levi Strauss factory tour, the Wells Fargo Bank Museum and the Cheveron U.S.A. museum). This book also tells you that for $9.50 to $300.00 the folks at the Basic Brown Bear factory will let you stuff your own bear!

For a short list of factory tours available in the US and Canada, try www.bygpub.com/books/tg2rw/factory-tours.htm.

Take a junk-food junkie to the Frito Lay factory and watch your stock rise as the mysteries of how they make Cheetos, Tostitos, Fritos, Lays and Ruffles unfold before you. So what's a little treck to Vancouver, Washington? Try www.fritolay.com or (360) 694-8478.

Improve your batting average with a tour of the Louisville Slugger Bat Factory. Take a hit on www.slugger.com or (502) 895-2405.

Need more color in your life? Take your date on a tour of the Crayola Crayon factory in Easton, Pennsylvania. Admission is $8.00; www.crayola.com/factory/ or (610) 515-8000.

While perhaps not as exciting a tour of a toilet paper factory, the free tasting at the end of the Hershey's Chocolate Factory tour promises to be a lot better. Phone (717) 534-4900 or go to www.hersheys.com/tour/index.shtml. As for ourselves, we'd love to see how the people who make M&M's get the coating on the outside and the "M&M" stencil on each little piece of candy.

Check with newspapers for tours of their printing plants; auto manufactures to see the nuts and bolts of car-making; and don't forget that some wine and beer manufacturers offer tours such as www.budweisertours.com.

Want to see how they build a Mack truck? Try www.macktrucks.com/default.aspx?pageid=45 for tour information.

How about watching a Harley Davidson being made? Closed-toe shoes are required, cameras are not permitted and the plant tour is wheel chair accessible. Phone (717) 852-6590.

Want to see how they make jelly beans? Try www.jellybelly.com You'll need to visit Pleasant Prairie, Wisconsin, or Fairfield, California, but we suggest you phone first (866)TOUR-JBC to see when you can board the Jelly Belly Express to go on a tour of the factory or (800) 953-5592.

Does a tour of Ben & Jerry's do it for you? You'll need to be in Waterbury, Vermont. Call (802) 882-1260.

If you're near Wisconsin and want to take a cheesy tour, point your mouse toward www.wisconline.com/attractions/cheese.html for a list of cheese factories.

If your personal tastes tend toward the Gothic and you are anywhere near Gladstone, Michigan, you won't want to miss the Hoegh Pet Casket Factory Tour (906) 428-2151.

If you are near Everett, Washington and want to see the largest building in the world, or see huge airplanes in various stages of manufacture and flight test, the fine folks at Boeing will be happy to accommodate you. Go to www.boeing.com/companyoffices/aboutus/tours/.

LASTING A LIFETIME

The ramifications of a factory tour date can last a lifetime. For instance, let's say you did the personal products tour at a huge paper by-products plant. First of all, you would get to see how toilet paper is made, and who really knows how they do that? Just imagine the story you can tell your friends when conversations start to lull. And if the excitement of that ever wears thin, you'll be able to talk about how tampons are made. Who among us has slightest inkling of how they attach the strings and then coax the tampons inside the cardboard applicators? Talk about needing to have nimble fingers if tampons are your trade! Then, if a few more years go by and you have a baby, disposable diapers won't be the mystery to you that they are to the rest of us. You'll know how the tabs are attached and how they put the elastic in the legs. And finally, when you're visiting family members at the rest home—oops, assisted living center—and nobody has a thing to say, you can tell about the time your date took you on a tour of the factory that makes Depends!

You can base an entire vacation around tours of factories that make personal products! For a toilet paper tour, call the Potilatch Corporation in Lewiston, Idaho (208) 799-1429. For Huggies, Kotex, Depends and Scott TP, www.kimberly-clark.com is the site for you. For Pampers, Tampax and Charmin, check with Procter and Gamble at www.pg.com.