Eating In or Eating Out

There are three variations on the classic dinner date: 1) You fix dinner at your house from scratch; 2) Have the date at your house but buy the food already prepared or buy part of it prepared and fix some of it yourself; 3) Take your date out to dinner. Here are tips for making the traditional dinner date the best experience it can possibly be for both of you. But first, a comparison:

#1 DINNER AT YOUR HOUSE—YOU FIX IT

The keys to a successful dinner date are planning, simplicity and getting as much done beforehand as possible so you aren't running around like a maniac the day of the date. This cannot be emphasized enough. Anything less and you won't enjoy yourself.

It's really uncomfortable to discover that your date is vegetarian as you are pulling the steaks off the barbecue. So ask ahead of time about his or her menu preferences and don't be afraid to play the culinary version of twenty-one questions, "How about onions? Garlic? Mushrooms? Mountain Oysters? Prunes?"

Decide on a menu and keep it simple. Prepare items you know how to make. Don't experiment. Will you be having:

• An appetizer?
• Salad?
• Main Dish?
• Dessert (besides yourself)?
• Wine? Beer? Nonalcoholic?

Prepare a menu that doesn't require you to spend much time in the kitchen after your date arrives. Otherwise, you risk having your date watch you swear as black ooze starts flooding from the clogged sink and you run to the bathroom to grab the toilet plunger and water from it drips on the salad as you spin around trying to keep the dish in the oven from incinerating—normal but not pretty.

Do all of the prep work before your date arrives. You will have a much better time and your date will think you've got it together.

Two Days Before The Date
Decide on a menu and make a shopping list of everything you will need. Pick out what you are going to wear; this will give you time to do your laundry or drop things by the cleaners if necessary.

One Day Before The Date
Clean the house. An important benefit of having guests over is that it forces you to clean your place up. Otherwise it might never get done. Pay particular attention to the bathroom, kitchen and bedroom. A grungy toilet and sink are a sure way to unimpress your date. Put clean towels in the bathroom and an extra roll of toilet paper next to the toilet. If you live in a guy-only household, buy a small pack of tampons for the medicine cabinet.

Put clean sheets on the bed. (Hope springs eternal.) Hide your vibrator and/or porn collection. Put condoms and lube in a discrete but easily accessible place near the bed.

Do the shopping. Do not leave this for the day of the date.

While this may sound obsessive, it never hurts to set the table a day before. That way you'll know ahead of time if you need to wash or buy a tablecloth, get candles, plates, silverware and glasses. A small bouquet of flowers is always a nice touch as well. Hint: The fork and napkin go on the left and the knife and spoon go on the right. One way to remember this is the words fork and left each have four letters. Knife, spoon and right have five letters.

Prepare any dishes that you can the day before, including the dessert and appetizer. If your main dish is a casserole it might even taste better if you make it the day before.

PROS AND CONS OF DOING A DINNER DATE AT YOUR HOUSE

Cons: It is a seriously bad idea to invite someone to your house for dinner if it's your first date. Chances are, a new date won't feel comfortable being so deep on your own turf and if he or she does a no-show or cancels at the last minute you'll be feeling down in the dumps with two days' worth of leftovers as a painful reminder. It's also a lot of work if the person does show up and you discover twenty minutes after he or she arrives that this was a big mistake.

Pros: This can be a great date idea if you know and feel good about each other and your place isn't a total dump. It's more intimate than taking someone out for dinner and it shows that you're willing to put in a lot of effort to please them. If the date isn't a success, at least you'll have clean sheets on your bed.

Also, if you and your date haven't gotten physical yet, don't be the first one to initiate any moves if this is his or her maiden voyage in your casa. It is important for your date to feel safe and comfortable in your home, and this will not happen if he or she has to worry about finding an escape route.

#2 DINNER AT YOUR HOUSE WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO COOK or WHEN YOUR COOKING COULD CAUSE A PRISON RIOT

GET TAKE-OUT

Check with your date about menu preferences.

Call your favorite restaurant a few days before the date and arrange for a takeout order on the day of the date. If you don't have a favorite restaurant, check out some of the local spots and pick up their menus. If you have the time, try them out.

Make sure you are getting food that will keep well. Stay away from anything with a delicate sauce or dishes that get soggy fast. You can't go wrong with Chinese food. It holds up well, it's easy to reheat and the cost is reasonable.

MIX AND MATCH? PART TAKE-OUT, PART HOME COOKING

Do you want to order the entire meal as takeout, or did your dear Aunt Prudence teach you how to make at least one dish that's a proven winner? If so, make sure your date knows you fixed the special dish.

WHEN COST IS NO OBSTACLE

Some people might consider take-out to be beneath them and will have the dinner date at their house catered by a professional caterer. This doesn't have the charm or intimacy of preparing the meal yourself, and it doesn't have the laid-back easy-going edge of picking up takeout. However, it might win over the kind of date who is impressed by how much you are willing to spend—which should be a warning in and of itself. If you are into this sort of thing, look in the Yellow Pages under "caterers" and start calling.

#3 EATING OUT

Food is a lot like sex—it's best to ask your date what he or she likes beforehand. For instance, it's not a good idea to take a native of Belfast to a British Pub, nor Mr. Meat & Potatoes for sushi.

Once you decide on the type of food, your next challenge is to find the right restaurant. You might ask your date if she or he has a couple of favorite restaurants. (Get at least two names, in case the appetizers at the first one start at $20.) On the other hand, it might be more fun to do the selecting yourself after you know what kind of food your date does and doesn't like.

To find good restaurants, ask other people or check out the local restaurant scene on the internet. For instance, do a search with the words "Polynesian restaurant" and "Portland." Call the newspaper in your area and ask when they run restaurant reviews. You might also read restaurant guides. Then again, you may already know the hottest place in town that has your date's favorite combo of corn dogs and karaoke. Avoid places that are stuffy and ostentatious.

Next, call the restaurant and make a reservation. If you aren't familiar with it, you might take the time to visit the restaurant in person. Check out the menu, ambiance and look at the prices.

Whether you phone or make the reservation in person, write down the name of the individual who you spoke with and the date and time of your reservation. Make sure the person who takes the reservation repeats the information back to you. Writing down his or her name may give you a leg up in case your reservation gets lost or was entered on the wrong page.

If you have any special requests, state them ahead of time. Making special arrangements with a manager offers more assurance of it actually being taken care of. Do you want a particular server, special table, special meal or a particular dessert? Make sure the information is written down next to your reservation. Restaurants usually accommodate reasonable requests. If they act like it's an inconvenience, consider another restaurant.

Call your date with the time of the reservation. If you are meeting at the restaurant be sure to provide directions as well as the restaurant's phone number. Don't get your feelings hurt if your date prefers to meet you there. He or she may have had a weird experience in the past and wisely opts to know you better before giving out personal information.

Most people appreciate knowing what to wear, so be sure to tell your date if the restaurant has sawdust on the floor or is a five-star highbrow hideout.

The Day Before Your Date
Call the restaurant the day before and verify the reservation and any special arrangements you may have made. If there is a problem, do not get angry. Ask to speak with the manager and explain the situation. Tell the manager you need his or her help.

The Day of the Date
Arrive on time and make sure you have the name, address, phone number and directions to the restaurant with you.

When you arrive at the restaurant, find a comfortable spot for your date to sit. Speak to the person at the front desk about your reservation. If there's a problem, ask to speak to the manager. Remain calm and ask the manager to help fix the problem. If the manager can't accommodate your request completely, ask what he/she will do to fix the problem. Don't share any problems with your date. Take a deep breath and put on a smile when you return.

Enjoy the date. If the staff went out of their way to accommodate your special requests, make sure to tip them well.

IMPRESSIONS WHEN EATING OUT

HOW TO MAKE A BAD IMPRESSION: Having to wait two hours because you didn't make a reservation or yelling at the restaurant staff if things don't happen the way you expect.

HOW TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION: Plan ahead, double check, treat the staff with kindness and respect. Relax as much as you can and enjoy.