According to some lesbian feminists, heterosexuality is not natural for women. Instead, women who call themselves straight are really mindless victims who were socialized into thinking they are straight.
For instance, one lesbian feminist interviewed forty straight white women. When asked why they started dating guys, none of the straight woman said it was because they liked men. They said it was because all their friends were dating guys, and they didn't feel like they would fit in if they weren't dating one themselves. The attraction to males was because of what a heterosexual coupling offered in terms of social acceptance.
Likewise, they started having sex because it was expected of them to keep the boy, not because they wanted to do THAT with him.
Of course, this study didn't show the actual questions that the lesbian feminist asked the straight white women. Omissions like this are an indicator that a few elements of scientific rigor may have been left out. For instance, if Dr. Boink was interviewing George Bush, he could phrase his questions to make George W's answers appear like he invaded Iraq because he wanted to give Saddam a blow job. And who is to say he didn't, but it's not the sort of thing George W. would announce at the next Republican Party Tea when he's stumping for a constitutional ban on gay marriages.
On the other hand, the vast majority of women who do our sex survey say they didn't enjoy intercourse the first time they had it. They then say, "But things have changed--I love having it now if it's with the right guy..." You don't need to be a lesbian feminist to suggest that the reason the women didn't like intercourse at first is because it wasn't natural to them, and they eventually started liking it because they were socialized into liking it.
It's also true that the majority of women who take our sex survey say they would like to try having sex with another woman--if all the stars and planets that govern these things were lined up correctly. (You'd have to apply serious forms of torture to get the average male survey taker to admit that he'd like to see what it was like to have sex with another guy.)
While the majority of straight women who take our survey may fantasize about having sex with other women, the number who actually do so is quite low. The women may appear to be fluid in their ability to enjoy lesbian fantasies, but they don't seem to be muff diving in droves.
So are the lesbian feminists right? Are straight women straight just because society has forced it upon them?
Here are the answers to this question from six women who are extremely intelligent and sexually liberal:
"When you're doing research and you REALLY want to prove your point, you can figure out ways to do so..."
"As a child, I managed to experiment with girls and boys alike and as an adult, I've also been given the opportunity to be with a woman (a cutie named Christina wanted to date me when I was 27), but it never really struck my fancy and I passed on sex with her and enjoy being with men. Believe me, I have a small arsenal of lesbian fantasies that I can draw on and have drawn on in my writing and during moments of self-entertainment, but I don't feel as though I want to go down that road."
"Sex for me was definitely not because I was afraid of losing the guy. I don't even know if it was really about my feelings for the guy. Mostly it was my curiosity about how sex felt. Few of my friends were dating and none were having sex so it wasn't about fitting in."
"Maybe women find other women sexy because the media and society says that women are sexy. Men are not portrayed as sexy nearly as often as they are portrayed as athletic, successful, intelligent, funny, etc. For a woman to be portrayed as athletic, successful, intelligent, or funny, she must also be sexy. Sexy is a prerequisite to any kind of competence. No wonder women find other women attractive or possible sex mates. Images they see portray them this way."
"Fantasies are fantasies; they are not necessarily what you'd really want to happen. For example many women fantasize about rape. I don't think the lesbian feminists would say that these women really want to be raped."
"Women in our society feel comfortable touching each other while men generally do not. I think this has a lot to do with why they are more comfortable fantasizing about sex with other women. It is not nearly so forbidden as it is for men. For men to even hold hands is like a clear admission of gayness, whether they are or not. This is a pretty non-sexual gesture (unless you have wrists like mine). But women hold hands all the time. If men can't even seek physical security from other men, of course they won't feel secure about sex fantasies about other men."
["re: my wrists. When walking with my husband I really like having him hold my wrist rather than my hand. I suspect the lesbian feminists would feel this was a way of submitting to his control of me. But I just love the way it feels. I love my wrists. They are always sexy, even slight caresses or a strong handshake that brushes the wrist. When I am fantasizing during a boring lecture or staff meeting, I will often brush my wrists against the top of my thighs or stomach."]
"About that lesbian feminist who claims that heterosexuality is not natural for women, I think she's being self-serving. The issue is way too complicated and complex for such a simple answer."
"My first time was lousy, and it went on in that vain for a good many years. I contribute it to a lack of knowledge, no one to talk to, no where to turn for honest information. And let's not forget the contrasting message from the media and society: look sexy, but don't do *it*. How about all the movies and romance books of women going off into multi orgasmic bliss within minutes of entry. Uh oh, it didn't work that way, is something wrong with me? Hard scary thoughts for young women. And young men. And everyone trying to be cool about it, while not knowing a damn thing. Ignorance sure don't equal bliss."
"When I was a teenager, I was interested in both genders, but was afraid of real sexual contact with men. They were foreign creatures with strange anatomy, and they could be violent. Women were safer and more familiar. I think that may be the key: being sexually involved with a member of your own gender is easier because you don't have to strike out into the unknown."
"I eventually felt safe enough to have sex with a male because the male in question, whom I later married, was soft-spoken and effeminate, and I felt I knew him very well. I enjoyed the first time emotionally, but not physically. We were kids and didn't know how to please each other yet. Most women's first sexual experience with a man is awkward and they don't understand each other's turn-ons, so it isn't really pleasant. That can easily be turned around into sounding like it's not natural for a woman to like men."
"I don't buy it that women are just heterosexual because of socialization. I once had this same super intense conversation with a close (you guessed it) lesbian feminist friend in college. She later had a four-year relationship with a man that ended with a baby. She was asserting that the ultimate relationship was that of two women. I had some serious issues with this. First of all I was brought up in upper middle class suburbia. The women in upper middle class suburbia are vipers. There is constant verbal and mental manipulation of those not up to standard. I spent all of middle school and much of high school (save a few friendships) avoiding all close relationships with women because I was disgusted with how they treated and talked about each other. A sexual relationship between two women (one of them being me) would be way too mentally exhausting."
"Women are allowed to have homosexual thoughts without loosing any social status or even gaining any stigma, unlike men. Men are forced to stay one OR the other and once they cross that line they are not allowed back. Because of this strict boundary, if men fantasize about other men they assume that it means they are gay. I suspect that there is far more diversity in sexual practices/desires in humans than our culture allows."